Elaborate Lives

We all lead such elaborate lives
wild ambitions in our sights
How an affair of the heart survives
days apart and hurried nights
Seems quite unbelievable to me
I don’t want to live like that
seems quite unbelievable to me
I don’t want to love like that
I just want our time to be
slower and gentler, wiser, free

We all live in extravagant times
playing games we can’t all win
Unintended emotional crimes
Take some out, take others in

I’m so tired of all were going through
I don’t want to live like that
I’m so tired of all were going through
I don’t want to love like that
I just want to be with you
Now and forever , peaceful, true
This may not be the moment
to tell you face to face
But I could wait forever
for the perfect time and place

We all lead such elaborate lives
We don’t know whose words are true
Strangers, lovers, husbands, wives
Hard to know who’s loving who

Too many choices tear us apart
I don’t want to live like that
Too many choices tear us apart
I don’t want to love like that
I just want to touch your heart
May this confession
Be the start

Perpetual Anxiety

I don't know whether I am coming or going. The uncertainty of things seems to be worse than the possible outcomes. It seems I am packing up and then unpacking my emotional baggage daily. I want so badly to just be at peace with the horrible choices I have made, but when it relies on someone else it becomes a waiting game. At what point should I decide to take the reigns of my life and cut my losses?

On Love

"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own." - Robert A. Heinlein

"A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” — Elbert Hubbard

Ode to Sadness

Sadness, scarab
with seven crippled feet,
spiderweb egg,
scramble-brained rat,
bitch’s skeleton:
No entry here.
Don’t come in.
Go away.
Go back
south with your umbrella,
go back
north with your serpent’s teeth.
A poet lives here.
No sadness may
cross this threshold.
Through these windows
comes the breath of the world,
fresh red roses,
flags embroidered with
the victories of the people.
No.
No entry.
Flap
your bat’s wings,
I will trample the feathers
that fall from your mantle,
I will sweep the bits and pieces
of your carcass to
the four corners of the wind,
I will wring your neck,
I will stitch your eyelids shut,
I will sew your shroud,
sadness, and bury your rodent bones
beneath the springtime of an apple tree.

-Pablo Neruda

“We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven’t even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.
— Chuck Klosterman

8 things meme

My blog friend Angela tagged me, and I am having a hard time filling this out right now, I thought I could be more self centered! I will go back and fill more in when I'm feeling better.

8 Things I'm looking forward to:

1. Seeing The Business on the 8th
2. Memorial weekend
3. Getting over this hump
4. Buying a new bathing suit and going to the beach
5. My mom coming back in town
6. Making more money
7.
8.


8 things I did yesterday:

1. Saw my grandma for the last time, she died this morning
2. Watched my son ride a big boy bike with training wheels for the first time
3. Had my power go out
4. Cried
5. Did a whole house full of dirty dishes for Paul
6. Slept
7. Died a little bit


8 things I wish I could do:

1. Be "normal"
2. Cure cancer
3. and diabetes
4. and world hunger
5.
6.
7.
8.


8 shows I watch:
1. Big Brother
2. Project Runway
3. Top Chef
4. Rock of Love
5.
6.
7.
8. I don't really watch more than 8 shows anymore...


I tag the Pope, and Castro. Wait, what do you mean they don't read my blog?

Where You Can Find Me On The Weekdays

Today's Bar Stool Romantic

…We would look out over the immense sea, full of white-flecked and green reflections, the two of us leaning side by side on the railing, each of us far away, flying in his own aircraft to the stratospheric regions of his own dreams. There we understood that our vocation, our true vocation, was to move for eternity along the roads and seas of the world. Always curious, looking into everything that came before our eyes, sniffing out each corner but only ever faintly - not setting down roots in any land or staying long enough to see the substratum of things; the outer limits would suffice.

Ernesto Che Guevara, The Motorcycle Diaries.