I'm alive.

And I am okay.

Mother's Day continued...

Totally uneventful. A normal day. Maybe someday my kids will make a macaroni necklace, but this year they have no idea what's going on.

I'm really excited about these shoes I got for $3 dollars at Salvation Army.
If I tip my camera just right it looks like I'm in a fun house mirror, or maybe my head is that small.

Me and little Max. He's trying to escape.

I painted gnomes for the garden with the kids today. When I wasn't looking Evie gave herself a pedicure with acrylics. Pretty good for a 2 year old!

And I love my new curtains! They're the ones that have been on my wish list for over a year. I went to Ikea and they were in the As-Is section, 75% off, nothing wrong with them, and they were the ONLY ones! Yay!

Happy Mother's Day, Mommy!

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. ~Tenneva Jordan

4 generations of women.

You are appreciated

When I was young me and my mama had beef

Seventeen years old kicked out on the streets

Though back at the time, I never thought I'd see her face

Ain't a woman alive that could take my mama's place

Suspended from school; and scared to go home, I was a fool

with the big boys, breakin all the rules

I shed tears with my baby sister

Over the years we was poorer than the other little kids

And even though we had different daddy's, the same drama

When things went wrong we'd blame mama

I reminice on the stress I caused, it was hell

Huggin on my mama from a jail cell

And who'd think in elementary?

Heeey! I see the penitentiary, one day

And runnin from the police, that's right

Mama catch me, put a whoopin to my backside

And even as a crack fiend, mama

You always was a black queen, mama

I finally understand

for a woman it ain't easy tryin to raise a man

You always was committed

A poor single mother on welfare, tell me how ya did it

There's no way I can pay you back

But the plan is to show you that I understand

You are appreciated

Lady... Don't cha know we love ya? Sweet lady

Dear mama

Place no one above ya, sweet lady

You are appreciated

Don't cha know we love ya?

And Dear Mama,

Now ain't nobody tell us it was fair

No love from my daddy cause the coward wasn't there

He passed away and I didn't cry, cause my anger

wouldn't let me feel for a stranger

They say I'm wrong and I'm heartless, but all along

I was lookin for a father he was gone

I hung around with the Thugs, and even though they sold drugs

They showed a young brother love

I moved out and started really hangin

I needed money of my own so I started slangin

I ain't guilty cause, even though I sell rocks

It feels good puttin money in your mailbox

I love payin rent when the rent's due

I hope ya got the diamond necklace that I sent to you

Cause when I was low you was there for me

And never left me alone because you cared for me

And I could see you comin home after work late

You're in the kitchen tryin to fix us a hot plate

Ya just workin with the scraps you was given

And mama made miracles every Thanksgivin

But now the road got rough, you're alone

You're tryin to raise two bad kids on your own

And there's no way I can pay you back

But my plan is to show you that I understand

You are appreciated

Pour out some liquor and I reminsce, cause through the drama

I can always depend on my mama

And when it seems that I'm hopeless

You say the words that can get me back in focus

When I was sick as a little kid

To keep me happy there's no limit to the things you did

And all my childhood memories

Are full of all the sweet things you did for me

And even though I act craaazy

I gotta thank the Lord that you made me

There are no words that can express how I feel

You never kept a secret, always stayed real

And I appreciate, how you raised me

And all the extra love that you gave me

I wish I could take the pain away

If you can make it through the night there's a brighter day

Everything will be alright if ya hold on

It's a struggle everyday, gotta roll on

And there's no way I can pay you back

But my plan is to show you that I understand

You are appreciated

- the man, the myth, the legend.. Tupac Shakur

loneliness

"Dear Astrid, Don't tell me how you hate your new foster home. If they're not beating you, consider yourself lucky. Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. An intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception... The best you'll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way. Moo."

white oleander, janet fitch

Dear Everyone,

Not sure who the artist is, but I definitely need one of these hanging in my bedroom.

Places Max Has Wrote His Name

I'm so proud of my little boy, writing his name and drawing his self portrait, but for fuck sake he sneaks crayons and draws it on EVERYTHING.

To name a few places: door ways, doors, walls in every room of the house, our brazilian cherry wood floors, the couch, baby gates, toys, my car, his sister, etc.

edited to add: sliding glass door.

The Secret!

Today I went to my grandparents' house, the first time I have been there since my grandma passed away last Sunday. After my grandpa died in January, her health immediately went on a decline, and two days after she was placed on hospice she died. I will go into more detail later, I'm not ready to write about it yet. Anyway, grandpa always kept his tools/garage organized, I would say mildly, no majorly, OCD. His workshop has pretty much just sat dormant for the last years of his life, since his hands stopped listening to him. I thought he would appreciate it if I cleaned it out and organized it a little bit, so I did. Here's a couple shots of the OCD... This cabinet has always bothered me, the "KEEP OUT!!!" has been plaguing me for years.Upon closer inspection...Seriously? That's the big freaking secret?! Paint brushes? No weed? No hidden cigarettes after quitting years ago? Just paint brushes?! Hell.

More OCD lists, he kept an inventory of EVERYTHING.
Max took the camera and told Evie to pose, she started doing this weird, zombie, thriller dance. I tried to copy, but she is far superior.